


We Sleep On Memories

by easternfront



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Loneliness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 09:50:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4602243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/easternfront/pseuds/easternfront
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt stopped and turned, not paying any attention to the people looking at him. Adam walked right up to him: “Alright, your big question: Why did you come Kurt?”</p>
<p>Without a beat the man answered: “To apologize and to say that I had no right to do what I did. I just couldn’t…I don’t know why I was so horrible to you. I’ve seen just how much it hurts when someone does that to you and I was ashamed that I could act that same way towards someone as good as you were to me.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Sleep On Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Returning to our beloved Adam Crawford and Kurt Hummel because this ship should have had it all. *dramatic sigh* Not Klaine friendly.

The press night audience was noisy. Their chatter and clinking of glasses echoed into backstage from the foyer. The stage manager was running around trying to find a new piece of gaffer tape to set on the floor for the grand old dame Rudy Ainsley, so that she would not walk off her light, which she most definitely would do without that grey piece of tape. Adam had more than once during the rehearsals been ready to catch the old lady incase she wandered off the stage entirely and their director had in fact located him in almost all scenes near her. It also made sense for the play for her characters greedy grandson to always be leeching off of her space.

She might have been a little too short sighted and very temperamental about the fact of the deterioration of her vision, but her acting ability and memory was still all there. That is why every single seat at this small Off-Broadway theatre was packed to the hilt. Dame Rudy Ainsley, angst filled newcomer Tobias Jacobs and a tight lipped, but artistic film director after his nervous breakdown had the press feeding of the theatres PR office.

He was there simply because Rudy, as she wanted Adam to call her, had liked his company in a small ITV production filmed in a very dull and cold manor outside Norwich. He’d kept her entertained and warm with his cardigans and endless supply of lovely green tea from his enormous thermos. A name as big as hers was the solid key for him to get an audition and score a third name from the cast listing. He’d be forever in gratitude to her, but really he didn’t mind. He was back in New York after five years and was enjoying it again.

Most of the rehearsals had been done in London and the entire cast and production had arrived in New York only a week ago. That was the main reason for the gaffer tape problem. The stage was nothing like what had been outlined for them in their rehearsal space and Adam would have to be on his toes for his stage granny.

Third bell was ringing and he took a final look at his bow tie. Half made as it was supposed to be, hair standing up on one side of his head and a fake cigarette in his hand, already lit. Tobias was standing on the other side of the stage, obviously doing his chanting. He was so thankful for them having the directions for the start on the opposite sides of the stage. He’d go nuts over that man’s humming. Lights were dimming and two spotlights appeared on the stage. He heard Tobias’s first lines through a haze. _There has to be a time in a man’s life when he decides he can do this again. This is what you were made to do. You are good…the best._

* * *

His back was sweaty but his face was full of smile. He was bowing with Dame Rudy and the audience clapped like he’d never heard before. The fake blood was itching on his temple and Rudy was more than using him as a support beam but he was happy. Only on the third bow he allowed his eyes to run through the rows of seats: lots of smiling faces and standing ovations. Jaded journalists had stood up to give ovations. His eyes stopped at the edge of the dress circle rows. Light green three piece suit, a program tucked under his arm and a wide smile. He was pulled down for a another bow by Rudy and he lost his visual contact as the line pulled him behind the curtains.

Rudy patted his back: “They loved you my dear. I knew it. You by my side I can do this again.” She continued to speak with a booming voice as she wandered off: “Will you tell that wretched man to make the lights point somewhere else besides MY eyes! I need my mineral water now!”

Tobias was hovering nearby puffing like he was doing yoga: “That was good, that was good man. Good!”

“Yeah thanks Tobias. I have to change now.” He was rushing to the dressing room and pulling off his clothes at the same time. He had no time to make sure he didn’t break the mike now. He ran to the sink and splashed water over his face and head. He should really take a shower but he just had to make sure. He was pulling off his stage clothes and jumping into his own suit. He’d catch him before the mingling party. He might not go there. Coat check had to be slowing his progression out of the theatre. He almost mowed down their costume assistant on his way out from the dresser. Running through the hallway filled with flowers and people he stormed straight out into the foyer and was stopped by mass of people like a tidal wave.

_“Hello there…Congratulations…Well done, and excellent…Wonderful….How did they…Excellent young man.”_

He looked and turned around, but he’d missed him. No sign of a green suit. How can a man with a green suit disappear into the sea of black and grey like this? He must have left with the first people. His shoulders dropped and was already heading back to the stage doors when he saw him: lean figure slowly walking down the slope that led to the dress circles. Looking at his phone and slightly tilting his head towards the left. Adam recoiled how much of a visual memory hit that little tilt was. Five years had passed but that tiny posture quirk made his heart jump.

“Kurt.” He was uncertain how loud his voice had been, but the man seemed to have heard him.

“Adam!” Kurt was smiling. That polite smile of his and Adam stopped to his tracks: was Kurt deliberately stalling for wanting to see him, or not wanting to see him? Kurt walked over to him and stopped right in front of him: “Handshake or a hug?”

Adam opened both of his arms and a hug it was. Cordial but a tad longer than a simple hello hug. He let his right arm stay by Kurt’s elbow. Kurt was looking at his hair: “You’ve got a little…” his hand reached out and made a swipe by his temple: “blood right here.” He pulled his thumb back and smeared a little between his fingers: “Starch and water? It’s a bitch to get away from clothes. Do you have somewhere I can wash my hands?”

Adam turned and led him behind the stage. The backstage was filled with people. Adam heard and saw nothing as he watched Kurt’s elegant gait next to him. He’d grown, physically from what he remembered. His shoulders were wider and the suit was definitely made to measure. Adam remembered how Kurt would sit down in front of the sewing machine and sit silently for an entire evening making sure the shirts he had to buy at costco were form fitting and unique. Kurt had even once take ahold of a pair of his jeans and fixed them so that they were perfect for him. He still wore those jeans.

The harsh lighting of the corridors made Kurt’s cheekbones stick out and his eyes gleam bright blue. He stopped in front of his dresser and led Kurt in. He stopped to take a look at his face from the mirror and used a wet wipe to wash his face again as he heard Kurt use the sink in the bathroom. He wasn’t sure how to address the Kurt sized elephant in the room. Drying his hands to a paper towel Kurt stepped out of the bathroom: “This is a really nice dresser. I’ve never had this great one.”

“It’s even better than Tobias’s. I’m the second in line when it comes to comfort. I might be the third in titles, but second in favors.”

Kurt chuckled: “They are going to be looking for you soon. Shall we?” Just as he had finished there was a tap to the door.

Adam took a light hold of Kurt’s arm and sounded a little desperate even to his own ears: “You’re not leaving yet?”

“No. We can talk later.”

* * *

It was closer to midnight when Rudy’s lights were dimming and she headed back to her apartment and the party seemed to wither after she left. Tobias was bombarded with fans outside the restaurant and with him leaving, were also the most journalists and paparazzi from across the street.

Adam looked around and saw Kurt sitting by the bar talking with Tobias’s assistant. Kurt looked over the woman’s shoulder at him and nodded: “Adam, we were just discussing about the fact that you don’t have a PA. Why’s that?”

“I’ve never needed one. I’m a simple guy. I wear jeans and t-shirts, drive a Avensis and don’t own a Instagram or Twitter, so I’m easy that way.”

A little tipsy assistant seemed to take a offence at that: “We do more than that. We do laundry runs, breakfast and other shit than twitter!”

Adam smiled and nodded: “I know, just kidding. Did you see that Tobias already left?”

“Yes, and he at least swore that he’s going straight to his apartment. Should I make sure of that? Shit I should, shouldn’t I? Shit. It was lovely to meet you…

“Kurt Hummel.”

“…Kurt! I’ll see you tomorrow Adam!” With her curses quieting down it was just him and Kurt sitting by the bar.

“Do you want a drink?”

“No I’m good with this orange juice. Still not very good with the liquor I’m afraid.”

Adam sat down next to him and asked the bartender for a mineral water: “Me neither and we have a show to do tomorrow and the day after that and day after that and…”

“I get it.”

Kurt swirling the remainder of the juice in his glass: “You’re not asking then?”

“Asking what?”

“The obvious: why I’m here when I haven’t made any attempts to contact you in five years.”

“It’s not an obvious question. I should ask you if you liked the play?” He took a gulp from his water and swirled the chair to face Kurt. “Did you? Honest answer.”

“I did. It was good.”

“Good. Oh did you aim at the mediocre feedback?” He was laughing.

“It was scary how good your mania was and how well you and Dame Rudy played off with each others energies. It was clear from the first scene that these two characters were related by blood. I do however feel the play could have just had the two characters. You really do not need you little brother to emphasize how meaningless you life has become without a partner in crime and money. There, that is what I think off the bat. And she really needs to learn her markers better, you were forced to change the stage direction weren’t you?”

Adam was nodding his head. “Wow, much better. Much better.”

“In essence: You were really good.” Kurt giggled a bit.

“Thank you for that. Will you also write an official review saying that?”

Kurt seemed to be surprised by the question: “Write a review? No I’m not here on official business. A friend of mine got me a ticket, she owed me one.”

“So you came just for the show? You knew I was going to be in the play?”

“Yes.”

Adam was leaning back: “Oh. I thought you’d be here for a…you did work for Vogue at some point. I did wonder when had they started sending people to see theater.”

“I don’t work for them anymore. I don’t work…I don’t have a job right now. Well if you don’t count volunteer work as work. I just came back to New York…”

“From where?”

“LA.”

“How long you lived there?”

Kurt finished his drink and looked away from him: “For about three years. After finishing NYADA we moved there and now I’m back here.” He was sliding the glass between his hands. Adam leaned in closer: “LA’s a fucking scary place. What the hell does a musical theatre major do in there?

“Nothing!” Kurt’s answer was filled with anger and rage: “Absolutely nothing for a fucking two whole years.” The cursing and volume seemed to have scared himself as well. Adam knew in his head that he shouldn’t push but then again he really wanted to know. Maybe he even wanted to jab at Kurt. A small petty part wanted to see and hear the man explain. Anything and everything.

“I was a trophy wife.” Kurt whispered. “Not even a trophy.”

Adam didn’t falter: “For Blaine. That’s who you went back to, right?” He didn’t need a verbal answer from Kurt because he knew.

Few days after not reaching Kurt by phone had made him angry. He’d deleted photos from his mobile, cancelled concert tickets he’s reserved for the two of them and raged at everyone ready to listen that what a cunt Kurt had been.

Few weeks later he’d seen pictures pop up from a facebook feed of Kurt smiling in pictures placing him in Lima, OH and he knew the poor man had no chance to run from his past. He’d felt sorry about how weak this backwater town and past made his strong and proud Kurt. He’d dug up internet for pictures of this Blaine that was not only a jerk but a dick who by no way deserved of respected _enough_ of his Kurt. Never.

The anger and sadness had fluctuated seamlessly and the last days of preparing for the final showcase had been a volatile and hostile experience for all of his graduating performance members. His endless anger and suppression of that anger had led him to win the role of Terry in the student performance of On the Waterfront. He still used that performance as part of his presentation tape. His professor had been enthralled: ‘Draw from what you know, excellent demonstration of a theory’

He didn’t mind being second choice or not even in the race to being with. He hadn’t hated Kurt for not choosing him but he was angry at himself for not doing anything about it and letting himself just fall into a ditch that took him over six months to get out of. Now he had Kurt sitting here opposite of him on the verge of tears and he felt not hate or anger but like a new choice had have been brought for his grabs again. “You got married to him? Are you still?”

Kurt spread his fingers on the bar table and tapped it: “I guess I am. I don’t know. Six months ago I signed a lot of papers by the request of his lawyers. I have no idea if it really was just his stupid marriage settlement papers but with Blaine you never know.” Kurt’s laugh was manic: “His own father drafted the papers. Mustn’t trust the flaming homo not to mess up the good game you got going here.”

Kurt stood up and buttoned his suit: “I shouldn’t have come. You don’t need to hear all this before your good run of the show in here.” He started to walk towards the doors: “I’m sorry Adam.”

Adam sat in his seat without the instant impulse to follow. Kurt was already outside and he could see the man walking towards the subway station across the street. He was practically galloping.

Without realising he was out of the doors and being honked by a car, crossing the road with reckless. The night was wet and cold. He saw Kurt had slowed down to walking. “Kurt, wait up! Kurt!” He had yelled the man to stop when his rational mind screamed in his own head to get the hell out of the situation right now, before he would be…hurt again? Was Kurt worth running after when he knew he had no control over what was going to happen if he let him back into his life? He could be standing outside in the rain looking after a taxi taking Kurt away from New York like last time, without explanations and goodbyes. “Wait!”

Kurt stopped and turned, not paying any attention to the people looking at him. Adam walked right up to him: “Alright, your big question: Why did you come Kurt?”

Without a beat the man answered: “To apologize and to say that I had no right to do what I did. I just couldn’t…I don’t know why I was so horrible to you. I’ve seen just how much it hurts when someone does that to you and I was ashamed that I could act that same way towards someone as good as you were to me.”

Kurt walked and leaned against a store window and wiped his eyes. Adam followed and sat down to the window sill. Kurt continued: “I wasn’t even sure if I’d come and see you, I only got the ticket this morning. I don’t mean it was a moment’s decision, but I didn’t know what I was going to say, or if you indeed even wanted to see me. And then when I saw you were waiting for me in the foyer I panicked and…”

“I saw that.”

“I thought you’d be all courteous and thank me for coming but when I saw you’d left with your makeup still on, I don’t know, I decided to follow.”

For a long time there was silence between them. City kept moving around them and payed no attention to two men stopped by the sidewalk. It was getting really cold. Adam stood up and coughed: “So where are you staying?”

“At Santana’s. She still kept the apartment in Bushwick after I left.”

“Were you heading there?”

“I guess I was but I think I missed my last train.” Kurt was about to continue but stopped.

“Taxi it is then?” Adam was already getting up and walked towards the street corner to hail for a cab.

“Adam…”

He turned and watched Kurt.

“…I don’t want to go there.”

Adam really looked at Kurt. His eyes seemed tired and his neck was blotchy. His shirt was crumpled by the collar and he was missing his cufflinks. His dress shoes had dirt stains on them. The small suit pockets were full of stuff. In any other eyes his attire was passable, more than passable but Adam saw it only now. Kurt would never let a beautiful suit go this disorganized.

“I came here yesterday evening and I…I don’t know why I came. I haven’t told anyone I’m here and my battery already died and I can’t go to hers because she’s just going to  make me feel silly and go back!” Kurt continued in a panic filled voice and grabbed his hand. Adam felt how tight his hold was.

Adam pulled Kurt right up to him: “Why can’t you go home?”

“Because I don’t want to live like that. I can’t live like that. If I leave I’ll have no one. I can’t go to back being alone, it will kill me.”

Kurt was shocked at his own words and let go of Adam’s hand: “I’m sorry. You don’t need this now. I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologise, please.”

“…everyone will think I’m crazy. Dad said that I…” his voice was stifled by a gasp of air.

Kurt turned and started to walk away. Adam stood looking at the man’s retreating back. He realised he had already made a decision the second he saw Kurt. From that point on he knew he would always going to have to fight for Kurt, even if it meant he might get battle wounds from it. He silently walked behind Kurt all the way to Columbus Circle where Kurt stilled and sat down. Adam just stopped in front of him: “Let’s stop this running around. You’ll stay at my place for the night and we’ll talk more tomorrow.”

Kurt nodded and Adam hailed them a taxi. The ride to his apartment was quiet. Kurt kept hanging his head down and fiddling with his buttons. The doorman was politely nodding at them.

Adam opened the door for the flat. It was generic and small and almost completely empty. He hadn’t really taken anything but clothes with him from London. He kicked off his shoes and walked to the kitchen. “Drink some water. I’ll set the sofa for you if I can find some extra sheets from somewhere.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yes I do.” He headed for the bedroom and saw Kurt resignedly sitting to the sofa with the water bottle and taking off his jacket.

He pulled a sheet and a towel from the closet and a pillow from his own bed. He rummaged his still unpacked suitcase for a t-shirt that was clean until he found one with faded image of Jack Nicholson from the Shining. Kurt still sat on the sofa. He was looking outside the window: “This seems to be a nice apartment.”

“It is. For the week I’ve been here. Tiny but nice. I think it’s actually a bit bigger than my own in Camden. Well anyway, here’s sheet and a pillow. You can use the blanket there. And, um a t-shirt if you don’t want to sleep in your shirt.”

“Thank You.”

“I’ll head for bed, it’s seriously really late. Good night. So I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Yeah, yeah. Good night…and thanks.”

“No worries.”

Adam walked quickly to his bedroom and closed the door. He leaned against the door and sighed. He really wanted Kurt still to be there in the morning.

* * *

_Kurt stretched on the bed and his toes peeked from under the duvet. His eyes were closed but he was smiling. He swung his arm across Adam’s chest and took a small bite from his ear: “You taste good.”_

_“Really?”_

_Kurt rolled on top of him. Adam could feel his ribs pressing against his own. He opened his eyes: “Do you have to go somewhere today?”_

_“No.”_

_“Then let’s spend the day in bed, I’ve never done that before.”_

_“I’m really happy to oblige darling.”_

_Kurt dived under the duvet and started to kiss his way down his chest._

* * *

He woke up to his phone’s alarm at eight am. He’d forgotten the reset it. He took a huge breath and tried to think his erection away. He opened the bedroom door and was relieved to see Kurt curled up under the blanket in the sofa. His suit and shirt was nicely folded over the recliner.

He quietly loaded the coffee maker and went to brush his teeth. He was due at the theatre at noon. Should he wake Kurt up? At least he had to make sure Kurt had a place to go to before he left.

When he was pouring the coffee he could see movement from Kurt.

“Morning. Do you want coffee? White, no sugar right?”

Kurt coughed: “Yeah, yes thanks.” He walked over and sat across from him on the other side of the kitchen island. Without a word they both sipped their coffee and listened to the sounds of New York waking up. Kurt was the first one to speak: “I should get out of your way. I’m sure you’re busy this first week.”

“No.”

“What?”

“Yes I’m busy but no, I can’t let you leave before you explain what you meant yesterday about being all alone and why can’t you go home?”

Kurt rest his coffee mug to the table: “I was tired and didn’t really mean anything. Of course I can go home, in fact I should get home. Don’t worry.”

“You saying ‘Don’t worry’ makes me worry hundred times more. Just tell me and then I’ll let you get on your way. I’d feel better.” He made his puppy dog face and pushed out his lower lip. Kurt didn’t smile. He sighed: “I shouldn’t have married him. I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do but for some reason I did it anyway.”

Kurt got up and walked over to the window. Adam knew it was easier for Kurt to talk if he wasn’t faced.

“I didn’t get any real work in here and Blaine got a amazing offer to join a cast of 15 Minutes of Fame and got show regular status for the second season so agreed to move to LA with him. I thought I could try out there, but somehow everything I wanted to try out for was too…visible.” Kurt spat out the word like it was dirty.

“I was too visible, so I just got complacent and settled.”

Kurt kept nodding to himself: “I did leave. I left six months ago and went to Lima to be with dad and Carol and that was, horrible. Carol didn’t understand why I had left a good life and dad was just, silent the whole time.”

Kurt seemed to be hugging his own frame: “I am selfish. I can’t live a life, where a gossip magazine wants to have a interview about how I run the household. It would be so much easier if I’d have to be in the dark, in the closet, the “roommate”. I can’t go home because of what dad said to me the last time I saw him. He doesn’t understand why I can’t be happy now that I get to be who I want to be with Blaine. We live in a time where I can be his husband and have a house. _‘I can’t make the world for you Kurt if even this isn’t making you happy.’_ Dad said not to give him trouble again.”

Kurt let out a yelp and rested his forehead to the window: “A 26 year old has-been, who never really even was somebody. And I can’t go back. I’m always going to be his. Blaine Anderson’s husband, Anderson’s ex…he’s taken what was me and even that isn’t enough for him. I’m not enough anyway. There’s always somebody, someone calling, someone else who doesn’t mean anything.” Kurt covered his face and turned around. He was heading for his clothes. “I’m so sorry.”

Adam walked over to him. He took a hold of Kurt and held him tightly against his chest: “Stay.” He could feel Kurt crying. His cries came out anguished and his whole body was shaking as if trying to shed away the emotion. He was still pushing all that pain inside. “You can’t do this to yourself Kurt. You can’t let yourself dim and close like this, _that_ is what will kill you. You always said to me that we can’t let people put us down. No one can take away what you were, and ARE.” Kurt loosened in his arms and practically melted to the floor. He followed the hollowed body down and they sat on the floor, holding each other for a long time.

He wished he’d have more time: “Kurt why don’t you sleep a little more. I’ll have to go to the theatre now, but I’ll come here before the night’s performance.” Kurt simply nodded and let Adam direct him to his bed and tuck him under the covers. “Stay, please stay.”

* * *

For the whole rehearsal meeting and runthrough he kept fidgeting and nervously jumping his legs around. Watching the the clock on the wall as if wishing it would move faster. “…and Adam, Adam?” The director was whispering to his ear after finishing the meeting.

“Yeah.”

“Good job. I’d like to catalogue the movements you made in the stage after tonight if Rudy keeps them the same. Thank you for doing it so well. We can talk more after tonight if she’s doing something different so we can work around that then.”

“Listen can I come straight to the evening show, it’s just that I saw a friend who has some troubles and…”

“Sure Adam. You’re saving me a lot of trouble mate. See you tonight.”

Adam ran out of the theatre and upstreamed a cab from a business man who yelled obscenities at him. He ran out of the cab without waiting for the change and didn’t stop for the lift but opted for the stairs. _Please be there. Stay. Stay._ He dropped his keys to the floor before he got the door open. He threw his things down and looked to the bedroom. Kurt was sound asleep, even him making all this noise hadn’t woken him up. He’d gotten another bottle of water out of the fridge and judging by his damp hair and a towel on the bed he’d taken a shower.

Adam sat on the bed next to the towel and took a deep breath. Kurt had been up, taken a shower and returned to the bed. He wasn’t going. At least not yet. Adam curled his hand around the towel and squeezed. He didn’t know if any of this would make sense in the long run but he’d had to see this one through.


End file.
